Here is a funny twist on the Twas the night before Christmas story:
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
everyone felt shitty, even the mouse!
Dad at the whore house, Mom smoking grass,
and I just settled down for a nice piece of ass.
Then out on the lawn there rose such a clatter,
I sprang from my piece to see what was the matter.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
I knew right away that fat fucker fell.
He filled all the stockings with pretzels and beer,
and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with one hell of a fart,
that son-of-a-bitch blew my chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight,
“Piss on you all and have one hell of a night.”